so this morning i was enjoying one of my few rituals – drinking coffee while browsing the morning news – and i looked down at my laptop and was like, “what’s up mofo?”

“i’m tired from all this photoshopping, flash and other bullshit,” said my beautiful baby.

“whoa, babe” i responded, “you’re a laptop so stfu.”

then i poured a tall, piping hot coffee all up on that slut. regardless of whether or not my laptop was talking back – it was an accident and i regret it. she’s now badly burned and i don’t think she’s gonna pull through. this is a devastating time for both me and state farm, which is handling my claim.